Brynna I debated sharing this because I kept telling myself “what if something still happens?” Then I realized…read your own post, you’re being dumb.
“Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” Mark 5:19
This has been by FAR the hardest miscarriage I’ve gone through, physically and definitely mentally, I’d say even moreso than my ruptured ectopic, and THAT was a nightmare. But once again, God has been so faithful. I came face to face with the realization that my fears of all the “possibilities” were not of God, but of man. The only reason I was afraid of certain outcomes, or even AWARE of them, was because of what I’d learned, or what others said to me along the way. Knowledge is amazing and a gift, but knowledge isn’t always wisdom, and this was a great lesson for me in discerning one from the other. When fears would rise up, at the same time I’d have that little pull in the back of my mind and heart (shoulda been the front!) that God was asking me to trust Him. Just TRUST HIM. So I did, while at the same time working very hard at home with specific supplements, diet, and oils to support my body while it did what it needed to do.
It doesn’t make me anti-modern medicine just because we prefer to default to natural options after years of experiencing both- we know there is a time and place for each. (That’s actually kinda funny though. I probably have a stash of more “just in case” options with Rx labels in our first aid box and medicine combine than most people do!!!) But what bothered me the most, I think, is that when I’d ask for advice or just talk to people about my situation with the miscarriage, people would say “Maybe you need to get in for a D&C” or they’d go through all the possible BAD outcomes with me (let’s remember this is a time where it’s not just going in for a procedure, but separating me from my husband, having to go through it alone, etc). Nobody prayed with me about it! They wanted me to “take it to man,” not “take it to God.” Nobody…except my husband. And that was huge to me, because he’s the leader of our family, and to have him stand where no one else would…that’s speaks volumes. So we have spent the last two weeks praying for my healing. Praying for wisdom. Praying for faith, even. (Okay, correction, I did have two close friends who also met me there at the altar, and consistently held me up in prayer as well!)And God, in his ever faithful grace and mercy, has once again sustained me. He’s pulled me through so many harder things in the last few years that it was dumb for me to ever think He’d abandon me here. Why do we so easily default to believing that God can’t or won’t take care of us? It’s so crazy to look outside at this world HE created and this life HE gave us and yet turn around and think I can’t get by without the help of a “professional” or an “expert” in this world. They only have what HE has given them…so that’s something to think about! Obviously there are times that those options are a necessity- I’ll be the first to say it, having experience THAT a number of times as well- but we shouldn’t skip over God in the process of going that route, either. Give him the time and the credit, He’ll lead you where you need to go. The key for me was to BE QUIET, BE STILL, and LISTEN TO GOD.Anyway, another chapter from the Smith Drama Chronicles, I’m always happy to provide reading material. (I’m sorry, word vomit is a real problem and I have it, bad)
