Brynna Did you know that before and between our five precious kiddos we had many, many miscarriages? I had two right off the bat when we got married, and I had more consecutive losses after C was born and again before H, including a late first trimester loss where I literally went into labor in the middle of the night after waiting a month knowing I was carrying a baby that no longer had a beating heart, as well as a misdiagnosed ectopic pregnancy that ended with me in an emergency surgery where I lost consciousness, a lot of blood, and one of my tubes. But I grieved the “simple”, straightforward miscarriages just as much as the traumatic ones, because all those babies were loved and wanted. And my experience made more grateful for my five here than I ever would have been otherwise.
I wasn’t a pretty picture during those years. I held onto a lot of hurt and bitterness. I was so envious toward families with babies, particularly those who never had to suffer. Having a baby became an idol to me, and I was so frustrated with my body, which felt broken.
It’s been a handful of years since our last loss and time definitely heals. But my heart still grieves with all the Mama’s who have to go through the same thing. I remember that pain so well, and the raw grief that follows you around everywhere you go. One thing I learned during all of my losses was that there is a ministry that comes through experience. I had such a difficult time accepting support or encouragement from people who had no idea what it was like to lose a baby. So from my pain came an opportunity to be that person who gets it.
If you’re in that place right now, you’re not alone. So many other women understand and are here for you. You don’t have to know someone personally to receive the support you need from them. Sometimes you just have to know that they are listening, and they truly do know what it’s like to be in that place. Don’t be afraid to talk about your precious baby, don’t fear reaching out. Because the rest of us ARE here.
